英語小笑話必備（15篇）

英語小笑話1

　　When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!"

　　"I wasn't asleep," the man answered.

　　"Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed."

　　"I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car."

　　我沒有睡著

　　當(dāng)一群婦女上車之后，車上的座位全都被占滿了。售票員注意到一名男子好象是睡著了，他擔(dān)心這個(gè)人會(huì)坐過站，就用肘輕輕地碰了碰他，說：“先生，醒醒!”

　　“我沒有睡著�！蹦莻�(gè)男人回答。

　　“沒睡著?可是你眼睛都閉上了呀?”

　　“我知道，我只是不愿意看到在擁擠的車上有女士站在我身邊而已�！�

英語小笑話2

　　A Present 凱特的'禮物

　　Kate: Mom, do you know what I'm going to give you for your birthday?

　　Mom: No, Honey, what?

　　Kate: A nice teapot.

　　Mom: But I've got a nice teapot.

　　Kate: No, you haven't. I've just dropped it.

　　凱特：媽媽，你知道我要給你一件什么生日禮物嗎?

　　媽媽：不知道，寶貝，是什么呀?

　　凱特：一把漂亮的茶壺。

　　媽媽：可是我已經(jīng)有一把漂亮的茶壺了呀。

　　凱特：不，你沒有了。我剛剛把它給摔了。

英語小笑話3

　　律師、寶馬和胳膊

　　A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.

　　"Officer, look what they've done to my Beeeemer!!!", he whined.

　　"You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!" retorted the officer, "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!"

　　一個(gè)律師打開他的寶馬車門，突然一輛汽車駛過來把門撞飛了，警察趕到現(xiàn)場(chǎng)，律師正痛苦地抱怨毀壞了他心愛的寶馬。

　　“警察同志，看看他們把我的車弄的!!!”律師哀怨地說。

　　“你們律師真是物質(zhì)至上，我很不舒服!”警察反駁說，“你這么關(guān)心你可惡的寶馬，你可能沒有注意到你的左胳膊也沒了�！�

　　律師終于注意到了血淋淋的左肩膀，“天哪，我的勞力士手表在哪兒?”

　　狗住旅店

　　A man wrote a letter to a small hotel he planned to visit on his vacation: "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"

　　An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too."

　　一個(gè)人給一家他計(jì)劃在假期里停留的.小旅館寫了封信，“我非常希望帶著我的狗，它很干凈很有教養(yǎng)，你能允許它和我睡一間屋子嗎?”

　　旅館主人立即回了封信，“我經(jīng)營(yíng)旅館很多年了，狗從沒偷過毛巾，床單， 餐具，或者墻上的畫。我也從沒有在半夜因?yàn)楣泛茸砗�鬧而趕走它，狗也從不不付帳就跑掉。實(shí)際上我們非常歡迎您的狗來我們旅館，如果它為您擔(dān)保，也歡迎您來。

　　睡前禱告詞

　　Juliewas saying her bedtime prayers. "Please God," she said, "MakeNaples the capital of Italy. Make Naples the capital of Italy."

　　Hermother interrupted and said, "Julie, why do you want God to make Naplesthe capital of Italy?"

　　AndJulie replied, "Because that's what I put in my geography exam!"

　　朱莉葉在做睡前禱告。“禱告上帝，”她說，“讓那不勒斯成為意大利的首都吧。讓那不勒斯成為意大利的首都吧�！�

　　媽媽打斷她說：“朱莉葉，你為什么求上帝讓那不勒斯成為意大利的首都呢？”

　　朱莉葉回答說：“因?yàn)槲以诘乩砜季砩鲜沁@么寫的。

英語小笑話4

　　While on a trip, Mom realized that she had forgotten a present for Dad's birthday.

　　旅途中，媽媽想起她忘記給爸爸買一件生日禮物。

　　"That's okay," he said, "The only thing I want is for you to love, honor and obey."

　　“沒關(guān)系”，他說，“我最想要的東西是你的愛、忠貞和溫順”。

　　Mom pondered that idea and then replied "I'd rather buy you a gift."

　　媽媽沉思片刻后回答說，“我寧愿給你買一件禮物”。

英語小笑話5

　　who was the first man

　　誰是第一個(gè)男人

　　a teacher said to her class：

　　有個(gè)老師問班上的學(xué)生：

　　“who was the first man?”

　　“誰是第一個(gè)男人?”

　　“george washington，”a little boy shouted promptly.

　　“喬治·華盛頓，”一個(gè)小男孩當(dāng)即叫道。

　　“how do you make out that george washington was the first man?”asked the teacher，smiling indulgently.

　　“你怎么知道喬治·華盛頓是第一個(gè)男人呢?”老師問道，寬容地微笑著。

　　“because，”said the little boy，“he was first in war，first in peace，and first in the hearts of his countrymen.”

　　小男孩說：“因?yàn)樗�是�?zhàn)時(shí)第一，和時(shí)第一，國(guó)人心中第一�！�

　　but at this point a larger boy held up his hand.

英語小笑話6

　　Story 18 Who Pours Ink on My Chair? Donny is a seven year old boy. He goes to school every day. The school is near his home. So he goes there on foot and comes back home on time. But today, he is late. His mother asks him, “Why do you go to the headmaster’s office?” “Because the teacher asks us a question in class and nobody can answer it, but I can.” “It’s good to answer the teacher’s question.” “But the question is ‘Who pours ink on my chair?’”

英語小笑話7

　　Teacher of Physical Education: Have you ever seen mixed doubles，boys？

　　Nick: Yes，sir. Quite of ten. I saw it even last night.

　　Teacher: Please tell us some thing about it.

　　Nick: Oh，sorry，sir. My father always says, "Domestic shame should not be published.”

　　體育老師：孩子們，你們見過男女混合雙打嗎？

　　尼克：見過，老師，經(jīng)常見。就在昨天夜里我還見過呢！

　　老師：那你給大家講講當(dāng)時(shí)的情形吧。

　　尼克：啊，對(duì)不起，老師。我爸爸常說:“家丑不可外揚(yáng)�！�

英語小笑話8

　　"Tom, what's the matter with your brother?" asked the mother in the kitchen. "He's crying."

　　"Oh, nothing, Mum," replied Tom. "I'm eating my cake. He is crying because I won't give him any."

　　"But has he finished his own cake?"

　　"Yes." said Tom. "And he also cried when I was helping him finish that."

　　"湯姆，你弟弟怎么了？" 媽媽在廚房里問。"他在哭。"

　　"沒事兒，媽媽，" 湯姆答道。"我在吃我的蛋糕。他哭是因?yàn)槲也唤o他吃。"

　　"他已經(jīng)吃完自己的了么？"

　　"是的`。" "我?guī)退�吃完時(shí)，他也哭了。"

英語小笑話9

　　Back Up Two Miles

　　A farmer and his son, traveling by horse and buggy up a narrow lane, met a motorist going the other way. There was no room to pass for two miles in either direction. The motorist, in hurry, honked his horn .

　　"If you don't back up," said the farmer, rolling up his sleeves, I won't like what I'm going to have to do." The surprised driver put his car in reverse and backed up two miles, allowing the horse and buggy to go by. "What was it you wouldn't have liked to have done back there?" asked the farmer's son.

　　"Back up two miles," replied the farmer.

　　退后兩英里

　　一位農(nóng)夫和他的兒子乘坐輕便馬車來到一段窄路，他們遇到一個(gè)開車的人向相反的方向去。兩個(gè)方向的兩英里以內(nèi)都沒有地方可以使他們相擦而過。駕車人甚是著急，按響了喇叭。 “如果你不后退，”農(nóng)夫說著擼起了袖子，“我可不喜歡我將不得不做的事�！彼緳C(jī)吃驚不小，掛上倒擋，向后退了兩英里，讓輕便馬車先過去。

　　“剛才在那兒你說過的你不喜歡要做的.事是什么?”農(nóng)夫的兒子問道。

　　“退后兩英里，”農(nóng)夫回答道。

英語小笑話10

　　I do not know the reason why some people want to get up late. They will never have the opportunity to enjoy (of enjoying) the fresh air and calmness of the morning.

　　This is indeed a quite regrettable thing.To rise early is a good habit (which) we should cultivate. Why? Because the best time when we can pursue our studies is in the morning. In addition, early rising is also good to our health. I hope that everybody our knows the reason why we must rise early.我不知道某些人要晚起的理由。他們永不會(huì)有機(jī)會(huì)來享受早晨的新鮮空氣和寧靜。

　　這真是一件 發(fā)令人遺憾的事情。早起是我們應(yīng)該養(yǎng)成的.一種良好習(xí)慣。為什么？因?yàn)樵绯渴俏覀儚氖聦W(xué)業(yè)的大好時(shí)間。再者，早起對(duì)我們健康也有益處。我希望每個(gè)人應(yīng)該知道我們必須早起的理由。

英語小笑話11

　　one day, a father and his little son were going home. at this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. now, he asked, "what's the meaning of the word 'drunk', dad?" "well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. if i regard the two policemen as four then i am drunk."

　　一天，父親與小兒子一道回家。這個(gè)孩子正處于那種對(duì)什么事都很感興趣的年齡，老是有提不完的問題。他向父親發(fā)問道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思?” “唔，孩子，”父親回答說，“你瞧那兒站著兩個(gè)警察。如果我把他們看成了四個(gè)，那么我就算醉了�！�

　　"but, dad," the boy said, " there's only one policeman!"

　　“可是，爸爸， ”孩子說，“那兒只有一個(gè)警察呀!”

英語小笑話12

　　Once upon a time, in ancient China, the emperor was seriously ill. None of his esteemedphysicians could find a cure,until an ancient sage revealed that only the blood of a living Foobird could restore the imperial health.

　　很久很久以前在古老的中國(guó)，皇帝病得很重，所有德高望重的御醫(yī)都沒辦法醫(yī)治，直到后來才有一位智者透露，只有活福鳥的血才能恢復(fù)皇帝的健康。

　　Now the Foo bird was extremely rare, almost legendary,and the greatest hunters in the landwere assigned the task of capturing a specimen-but before they left on their quest, the ancientsage warned them that if one of them were fortunate enough to catch the bird, he should onno account clean or change his clothing till he had presented his prize to the emperor.

　　問題是福鳥本來就很少見，幾乎只是傳說而已，于是全國(guó)各地最好的獵人都被指派進(jìn)行捕捉福鳥的工作。但在他們出發(fā)之前，那名智者警告他們，要是有人有幸捉到一只福鳥的話，無論如何在送到皇帝手中之前，絕不可以清潔或換掉身上的衣服。

　　The hunters scoured the empire, and after several months, the greatest of them spotted amagnificent Foo perched high in a tree. Using all his skill, the huntsman snuck up on the birdand managed to seize it by the claws, but soon the startled creature left a huge odious blobofexcrement on the hunter's shoulder.

　　獵人們搜遍了整個(gè)帝國(guó)，幾個(gè)月后，其中一名本領(lǐng)最好的獵人不經(jīng)意看見了一只福鳥棲息在一棵樹上。他用盡所有技巧偷偷接近那只福鳥并抓住了它的腳爪，但那只受到驚嚇的福鳥馬上在他的肩膀上拉了一大團(tuán)臭氣熏人的`鳥糞。

　　Though the stench was almost unbearable,the woodsman remembered the sage's injunctionand carried his double burden all the way back to court. By that time, the odor had onlybecome worse, and thehunter was deeply embarrassed.Finally, he felt that he could not entertheemperor's presence in such a state, and wiped the offending substance from hisshoulder.

　　雖然臭味難當(dāng)，但獵人仍記得智者的訓(xùn)示，便連同身上的鳥糞護(hù)送福鳥回宮。那時(shí)鳥糞的味道更難聞了，獵人也覺得非常尷尬。最后他覺得不能那個(gè)樣子去見皇帝，于是他把肩膀上令人作嘔的東西擦拭掉了。

　　Instantly, the Foo bird fell over dead, theemperor took a turn for the worse, and the hunterwas clapped in irons.And themoral of the story is: If the Foo shits,wear it!

　　就在那一刻福鳥便倒地身亡，皇帝的病情也更加惡化，而那名獵人則立刻被關(guān)進(jìn)牢中。這個(gè)故事的寓意就是：“福鳥在你身上拉尿，你就扛著�！�

英語小笑話13

　　traveler: can i catch the three o'clock train to toronto?

　　旅行者：我還能趕上3點(diǎn)鐘那班到多倫多的火車嗎?

　　ticket agent: that depends on how fast you can run. it left fifteen minutes ago.

　　售票員：那得看你跑得有多快�；疖�15分鐘前開出。

　　小學(xué)英語小笑話帶翻譯【4】

英語小笑話14

　　One day a visitor from the city came to a small rural area to drive around the country roads, see how the farms looked, and perhaps to see how farmers earned their living. The city man saw a farmer in his yard, holding a pig up in his hands, and lifting it so that the pig could eat apples from an apple tree. The city man said to the farmer," I see that your pig likes apples, but isn"t that quite a waste of time?" The farmer replied," What"s time to a pig?"

英語小笑話15

　　Our manager at the restaurant where I worked was a much beloved, jovial man. But there was one subject you didn't dare discuss in front of him -- his height. or, should I say, his lack of it.One day, he stormed through the door and announced angrily, "Someone just picked my pocket!" Most of my fellow waitresses and I were speechless, except for the one who blurted out, "How could anyone stoop so low?"

　　我們的餐廳經(jīng)理是一位深受大家愛戴，和藹而又快樂的.人。但在他面前有一件事不能提--他的身高�；蛘�，我應(yīng)該說，他是有點(diǎn)矮!一天，經(jīng)理怒氣沖沖地撞門而入，高聲說，“有人拿了我的錢包!”

　　我和其她大部女招待都沒敢吱聲，但有人卻蹦出一句話：“哪有人能彎腰彎那么低的啊”!

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