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(熱)英語小笑話15篇

英語小笑話1

　　As the mother of three small children born two years apart, I'm often very tired in the evening. Their father and I have set strict rules that after stories，prayers, one drink and the bathroom scene，they must go to bed and stay there.

(熱)英語小笑話15篇

　　One night，after a particularly trying day，all three were finally tucked in and I headed to the kitchen for some cookies，milk and solitude. I had just started to relax when I was surrounded by three little people，standing there watching me eat. Turning to their father I asked，"Do we relent or stick with the rules?"

　　Our three-year-old piped up，”Stick with the rules,Mom. "

　　Knowing she didn't really want to be sent back to bed,I asked，"And what are the rules，Mellisa?"

　　"Share with one another,"she replied.

英語小笑話2

　　In England nobody under the age of eighteen is allowed to drink in a public bar.

　　Mr. Thompson used to go to a bar near his house quite often，but he never took his son，Tom，because he was too young. Then when Tom had his eighteenth birthday， Mr.Thompson took him to his usual bar for the first time.They drank for half an hour，and then Mr.Thompson said to his son，“Now， Tom，I want to teach you a useful lesson.You must always be careful not to drink too much. And how do you know when you've had enough？ Well， I'll tell you.Do you see those two lights at the end of the bar？ When they seem to have become four，you've had enough and should go home.”

　　“But， Dad，” said Tom，“I can only see one light at the end of the bar.”

　　在英國(guó)，十八歲以下的人不準(zhǔn)進(jìn)酒吧喝酒。

　　湯普森先生以前常常去他家附近的一個(gè)酒吧喝酒，但他從來不帶他的`兒子湯姆去，因?yàn)樗昙o(jì)太小。后來，當(dāng)湯姆年滿十八歲的時(shí)候，湯普森先生第一次帶他去他常去的那家酒吧。他們喝了半個(gè)小時(shí)，而后，湯普森先生對(duì)他兒子說：“湯姆，現(xiàn)在我要告訴你一個(gè)有益的教訓(xùn)。你必須時(shí)時(shí)小心不要喝得太多。你怎么知道你喝夠了呢？好，我來告訴你。你看見酒吧那頭有兩盞燈嗎？當(dāng)那兩盞燈看起來變成四盞的時(shí)候，你就喝夠了，應(yīng)該回家了。

　　“可是，爸爸�！睖氛f：“在酒吧那頭我只能看見一盞燈�！�

英語小笑話3

　　Some businessmen were talking about advertising on tv excitedly. As none of them had ever done it before, every one had his point of view。

　　At this moment, Mr. Grey came by. grey was a car dealer and he had once made an advertisement。

　　"What are you talking about?" Mr. Grey asked。

　　"Does advertisement work or not?" one of the businessmen asked。

　　"Oh, yes, it works very fast," Mr. Grey said. " I once advertised for my watch-dog and offered a reward of $100."

　　"Did you get the dog back?"

　　"No, but that very night three of my cars were stolen."

　　一群商人正熱烈地討論在電視上做廣告。他們中沒有人做過，所以每個(gè)人都有自己的想法。

　　此時(shí)，格雷先生進(jìn)來了。格雷是一個(gè)汽車經(jīng)銷商，他曾經(jīng)做過一次廣告。

　　“你們?cè)谟懻撌裁?”格雷先生問。

　　“廣告有用不?”其中一位商人問。

　　“噢，有用，而且見效非常快�！备窭紫壬f，“我曾經(jīng)發(fā)布了一條廣告，要花100美金尋找一條丟失的看門狗。”

　　“你的狗找到了嗎?”

　　“沒，但是那個(gè)晚上我的'三輛車被偷走了�！�

英語小笑話4

　　Father: Uh,oh,I think I just made an illegal right-hand turn.

　　Susie: That is okay ,dad,the policeman behind you just did the same thing!

　　父親：哎呀，我剛才違規(guī)右轉(zhuǎn)彎了。

　　蘇西：沒事，爸，跟在你后面的警察也這么轉(zhuǎn)了。

英語小笑話5

　　A guy goes to visit his grandma and he brings his friend with him.

　　While he's talking to his grandma, his friend starts eating the peanuts on the coffee table, and finishes them off.

　　As they're leaving, his friend says to his grandma, "Thanks for the peanuts."

　　She says, "Yeah, since I lost my dentures I can only suck the chocolate off."

　　一名男子帶著朋友去探望他的祖母。

　　當(dāng)他和祖母聊天時(shí)，他的朋友開始吃咖啡桌上放的花生，并把花生都給吃光了。

　　他們離開時(shí)，他的.朋友對(duì)祖母說:"謝謝您的花生。"

　　結(jié)果祖母說:"唉！自從我牙齒掉光后，我就只能吮掉花生豆外層的巧克力了。"

英語小笑話6

　　why is he howling.

　　他為什么喊

　　dentist: please stop howling. i haven't even touched your tooth yet.

　　牙醫(yī)：請(qǐng)你不要再喊了!我還沒碰你的牙呢。

　　patient: i know, but you are standing on my foot!

　　病人：我知道，可是你正踩著我的腳呀!

英語小笑話7

　　你說什么?

　　Moe, Larry and Curly had been stranded on a desert island. They were walking alongdisconsolately when Moe happened to kick a bottle lying in the sand. The bottle broke and agenie suddenly emerged before them.

　　莫伊、賴?yán)途砻虼|礁擱淺而被困在一個(gè)無人荒島上，他們寂寞無助地沿岸邊走著，這時(shí)莫伊踢到沙灘上一只瓶子，那只瓶子破了后，突然出現(xiàn)一個(gè)精靈。

　　"Thank you. oh Masters, for releasing me from my captivity. For your kindness, please allow meto grant you each a wish. "

　　“謝謝你們從囚禁我的瓶子中把我放出來，我的.主人。為了報(bào)答你們的恩惠，請(qǐng)讓我為每位實(shí)現(xiàn)一個(gè)愿望�！�

　　"Well, it's not too difficult to figure out what I want," said Moe. "I wish I were back home. "

　　“哦，我的愿望很容易想出來，”莫伊說�！拔蚁Ｍ夷芑氐郊依��！�

　　No sooner had he said the words than he was back in dear old Brooklyn.

　　話一說完，莫伊就已在他可愛的布魯克林老家中。

　　"I want to be back home, too," said I Larry, and he, too, was instantly transported.

　　“我也想回家，”賴?yán)f，他馬上也就被送走了。

　　" Gee, it's alone some here without Moe and Larry," said Curly. "I wish they were here to keepme company. "

　　“唉，沒有莫伊和賴?yán)�，一個(gè)人在這里真無聊，”卷毛說�！拔蚁Ｍ麄兡芑氐竭@里陪伴我。”

英語小笑話8

　　Once upon a time, in ancient China, the emperor was seriously ill. None of his esteemedphysicians could find a cure,until an ancient sage revealed that only the blood of a living Foobird could restore the imperial health.

　　很久很久以前在古老的中國(guó)，皇帝病得很重，所有德高望重的御醫(yī)都沒辦法醫(yī)治，直到后來才有一位智者透露，只有活福鳥的血才能恢復(fù)皇帝的健康。

　　Now the Foo bird was extremely rare, almost legendary,and the greatest hunters in the landwere assigned the task of capturing a specimen-but before they left on their quest, the ancientsage warned them that if one of them were fortunate enough to catch the bird, he should onno account clean or change his clothing till he had presented his prize to the emperor.

　　問題是福鳥本來就很少見，幾乎只是傳說而已，于是全國(guó)各地最好的獵人都被指派進(jìn)行捕捉福鳥的工作。但在他們出發(fā)之前，那名智者警告他們，要是有人有幸捉到一只福鳥的話，無論如何在送到皇帝手中之前，絕不可以清潔或換掉身上的`衣服。

　　The hunters scoured the empire, and after several months, the greatest of them spotted amagnificent Foo perched high in a tree. Using all his skill, the huntsman snuck up on the birdand managed to seize it by the claws, but soon the startled creature left a huge odious blobofexcrement on the hunter's shoulder.

　　獵人們搜遍了整個(gè)帝國(guó)，幾個(gè)月后，其中一名本領(lǐng)最好的獵人不經(jīng)意看見了一只福鳥棲息在一棵樹上。他用盡所有技巧偷偷接近那只福鳥并抓住了它的腳爪，但那只受到驚嚇的福鳥馬上在他的肩膀上拉了一大團(tuán)臭氣熏人的鳥糞。

　　Though the stench was almost unbearable,the woodsman remembered the sage's injunctionand carried his double burden all the way back to court. By that time, the odor had onlybecome worse, and thehunter was deeply embarrassed.Finally, he felt that he could not entertheemperor's presence in such a state, and wiped the offending substance from hisshoulder.

　　雖然臭味難當(dāng)，但獵人仍記得智者的訓(xùn)示，便連同身上的鳥糞護(hù)送福鳥回宮。那時(shí)鳥糞的味道更難聞了，獵人也覺得非常尷尬。最后他覺得不能那個(gè)樣子去見皇帝，于是他把肩膀上令人作嘔的東西擦拭掉了。

　　Instantly, the Foo bird fell over dead, theemperor took a turn for the worse, and the hunterwas clapped in irons.And themoral of the story is: If the Foo shits,wear it!

　　就在那一刻福鳥便倒地身亡，皇帝的病情也更加惡化，而那名獵人則立刻被關(guān)進(jìn)牢中。這個(gè)故事的寓意就是：“福鳥在你身上拉尿，你就扛著�！�

英語小笑話9

　　A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. He takes his first sip and sets it down. While he is looking around the bar, a monkey swings down and steals the pint of beer from him before he is able to stop the monkey.The man asks the barman who owns the monkey. The barman replies the piano player. The man walks over to the piano player and says "Do you know your monkey stole my beer." The pianist replies "No, but if you hum it, I'll play it."

　　一男子去酒吧，點(diǎn)了一杯啤酒。他喝了一口放下。當(dāng)他環(huán)視酒吧時(shí)，發(fā)現(xiàn)一只猴子蕩下來，在他阻止之前，偷走了啤酒。該男子問酒吧招待，這只猴子是誰的`。服務(wù)員回答說是鋼琴手的。男子走到鋼琴手面前問：“你知道你的猴子偷了我的啤酒嗎？”鋼琴手回答說：“沒有，但是如果你能哼唱，我會(huì)為你演奏的�！�

英語小笑話10

　　Our manager at the restaurant where I worked was a much beloved, jovial man. But there was one subject you didn't dare discuss in front of him -- his height. or, should I say, his lack of it.One day, he stormed through the door and announced angrily, "Someone just picked my pocket!" Most of my fellow waitresses and I were speechless, except for the one who blurted out, "How could anyone stoop so low?"

　　我們的餐廳經(jīng)理是一位深受大家愛戴，和藹而又快樂的人。但在他面前有一件事不能提--他的身高�；蛘撸覒�(yīng)該說，他是有點(diǎn)矮!一天，經(jīng)理怒氣沖沖地撞門而入，高聲說，“有人拿了我的`錢包!”

　　我和其她大部女招待都沒敢吱聲，但有人卻蹦出一句話：“哪有人能彎腰彎那么低的啊”!

英語小笑話11

　　A Girl's Name

　　When our daughter was born, we named her Myles, after my beloved late（已故的） father, despite family warning that the name was too masculine（男性的） .

　　Years later, when I felt she was old enough to understand, I explained to Myles, Your name is very special. I named you after my own father because I loved him very much. I know he would be proud of you.

　　Myles thought carefully about this and then said, I know all that, Mom. But I don't understand why my grandfather had a girl's name.

　　女孩的名字

　　女兒出生時(shí)，我們給她取名叫邁爾斯，和我深愛的也已過世的父親同一個(gè)名字，不過家人提醒這個(gè)名字太男性化了。

　　幾年以后，我覺得邁爾斯已經(jīng)長(zhǎng)大，能夠懂事了。我對(duì)她解釋說：你的名字很特別。我給你取了一個(gè)和我爸爸一樣的'名字，因?yàn)槲曳浅鬯�。我相信他�?huì)為你而深感自豪的。

　　邁爾斯很仔細(xì)地想了一下，然后說道：這些我都懂，媽媽�？墒俏也恢劳夤珵槭裁磿�(huì)有一個(gè)女孩子的名字。

英語小笑話12

　　who was the first man

　　誰是第一個(gè)男人

　　a teacher said to her class：

　　有個(gè)老師問班上的學(xué)生：

　　“who was the first man?”

　　“誰是第一個(gè)男人?”

　　“george washington，”a little boy shouted promptly.

　　“喬治·華盛頓，”一個(gè)小男孩當(dāng)即叫道。

　　“how do you make out that george washington was the first man?”asked the teacher，smiling indulgently.

　　“你怎么知道喬治·華盛頓是第一個(gè)男人呢?”老師問道，寬容地微笑著。

　　“because，”said the little boy，“he was first in war，first in peace，and first in the hearts of his countrymen.”

　　小男孩說：“因?yàn)樗菓?zhàn)時(shí)第一，和時(shí)第一，國(guó)人心中第一�！�

　　but at this point a larger boy held up his hand.

英語小笑話13

　　who was the first man? 誰是世界上第一個(gè)男人

　　a teacher said to her class:”who was the first man?”

　　一個(gè)老師問她的學(xué)生：“誰是世界上第一個(gè)男人”

　　“george washington,” a little boy shouted promptly.

　　一個(gè)小男孩立刻大聲說：“喬治.華盛頓。”

　　“how do you make out that george washington was the first man?”asked the teacher，smiling indulgently.

　　老師帶著寵溺的笑容問這個(gè)男生：“你如何證明喬治華盛頓是世界上第一個(gè)男人呢�！�

　　“because,” said the little boy, “he was first in war, first in peace, and first in the hearts of his countrymen.”

　　這個(gè)男孩子說：“因?yàn)�，他是第一個(gè)挑起戰(zhàn)爭(zhēng)，第一個(gè)主張和平，并且是第一個(gè)深得民心的'人。”

英語小笑話14

　　律師、寶馬和胳膊

　　A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.

　　"Officer, look what they've done to my Beeeemer!!!", he whined.

　　"You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!" retorted the officer, "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!"

　　一個(gè)律師打開他的寶馬車門，突然一輛汽車駛過來把門撞飛了，警察趕到現(xiàn)場(chǎng)，律師正痛苦地抱怨毀壞了他心愛的寶馬。

　　“警察同志，看看他們把我的車弄的!!!”律師哀怨地說。

　　“你們律師真是物質(zhì)至上，我很不舒服!”警察反駁說，“你這么關(guān)心你可惡的寶馬，你可能沒有注意到你的左胳膊也沒了。”

　　律師終于注意到了血淋淋的左肩膀，“天哪，我的勞力士手表在哪兒?”

　　狗住旅店

　　A man wrote a letter to a small hotel he planned to visit on his vacation: "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"

　　An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too."

　　一個(gè)人給一家他計(jì)劃在假期里停留的'小旅館寫了封信，“我非常希望帶著我的狗，它很干凈很有教養(yǎng)，你能允許它和我睡一間屋子嗎?”

　　旅館主人立即回了封信，“我經(jīng)營(yíng)旅館很多年了，狗從沒偷過毛巾，床單，餐具，或者墻上的畫。我也從沒有在半夜因?yàn)楣泛茸砗[而趕走它，狗也從不不付帳就跑掉。實(shí)際上我們非常歡迎您的狗來我們旅館，如果它為您擔(dān)保，也歡迎您來。

　　睡前禱告詞

　　Juliewas saying her bedtime prayers. "Please God," she said, "MakeNaples the capital of Italy. Make Naples the capital of Italy."

　　Hermother interrupted and said, "Julie, why do you want God to make Naplesthe capital of Italy?"

　　AndJulie replied, "Because that's what I put in my geography exam!"

　　朱莉葉在做睡前禱告。“禱告上帝，”她說，“讓那不勒斯成為意大利的首都吧。讓那不勒斯成為意大利的首都吧�！�

　　媽媽打斷她說：“朱莉葉，你為什么求上帝讓那不勒斯成為意大利的首都呢？”

　　朱莉葉回答說：“因?yàn)槲以诘乩砜季砩鲜沁@么寫的。