（精品）英語小笑話

英語小笑話1

　　why is he howling.

　　他為什么喊

　　dentist: please stop howling. i haven't even touched your tooth yet.

　　牙醫(yī)：請(qǐng)你不要再喊了!我還沒碰你的牙呢。

　　patient: i know, but you are standing on my foot!

　　病人：我知道，可是你正踩著我的腳呀!

英語小笑話2

　　my little dog can't read

　　Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!

　　Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!

　　Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.

　　我的狗不識(shí)字

　　布朗夫人：哦，

　　親愛的，我把珍愛的.小狗給丟了！

　　史密斯夫人：可是你該在報(bào)紙上登廣告��！

　　布朗夫人：沒有用的，我的小狗不認(rèn)識(shí)字�！�

英語小笑話3

　　Turning over

　　Nurse: oh my god! The patient who has been treated fell down at the gate of our hospital andbecame faint. The police officer is coming!

　　Doctor: Take it easy. Just turn him over and make that he was walking towards the hospital.

　　翻個(gè)個(gè)

　　護(hù)士：不好了，剛接受治療的病人在醫(yī)院門口摔倒暈了過去。警察馬上就到。 醫(yī)生：別著急。把他翻個(gè)個(gè)，弄出他往醫(yī)院走的'樣子。 大學(xué)英語小笑話帶翻譯篇4

　　Headache

　　"I have a bad headache. I'll visit the doctor."

　　"Nonsense, yesterday I had a headache, I dashed home, gave a kiss to my wife and the paindisappeared. Why don't you try it?"

　　"Good idea, call up your wife and tell her I'll be right over."

　　頭疼

　　“我頭疼的厲害，要去看看醫(yī)生了。”

　　“胡說八道，昨天我也頭疼，我沖回家吻了妻子一下，馬上不疼了，要不你也試試?”

　　“好主意，給你妻子打個(gè)電話，說我馬上就到。”

英語小笑話4

　　She was so excited and anxious to tell him. She said, "I've bought two presents for your birthday, dear. I would tell you now because I can't wait until that day. One present is a mat to put in front of my dressing table. Another one is a bronze statuette(小雕像) for the drawing room mantelpiece." And then she added: "Now me?"

　　Her husband thought for a while and then replied: "I'd better get you a new razor and some ties, so that we may exchange presents with each other."

　　有個(gè)女人給她的丈夫買了生日禮物。

　　她很激動(dòng)，并且急于要告訴她的丈夫。她說：“親愛的，我買了兩樣?xùn)|西給你做生日禮物。我現(xiàn)在就要告訴你，因?yàn)槲业炔坏玫侥且惶觳耪f。一件禮物是一個(gè)地墊，可以放在我的梳妝臺(tái)前。另一件是一個(gè)青銅的小雕像，可以放在客廳的.壁爐架上”她還說：“好啦，你準(zhǔn)備給我買什么呢?”

　　她的丈夫想了一會(huì)就說：“我最好是給你買一個(gè)刮胡刀和幾條領(lǐng)帶。這樣我們就可以互相交換禮物了�！�

英語小笑話5

　　One day a visitor from the city came to a small rural area to drive around the country roads, see how the farms looked, and perhaps to see how farmers earned their living. The city man saw a farmer in his yard, holding a pig up in his hands, and lifting it so that the pig could eat apples from an apple tree. The city man said to the farmer," I see that your pig likes apples, but isn"t that quite a waste of time?" The farmer replied," What"s time to a pig?"

英語小笑話6

　　erry went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I'm going crazy!" Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears." How much do you charge?" A hundred dollars per visit." I'll sleep on it," said Jerry. Six months later the doctor met Jerry on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist. For a hundred bucks a visit? The bartender cured me for $10." "Is that so! How?" He told me to cut the legs off the bed!" Ain't nobody under there now!!!

　　杰瑞去看精神病醫(yī)生�！搬t(yī)生，我有些不對(duì)勁。每次睡覺的.時(shí)候，我都感覺有人在床下。我要瘋了!”“給我一年時(shí)間，”醫(yī)生說，“每周來三次，我會(huì)治好你。”“費(fèi)用是多少呢?”“每次一百美元。”“我會(huì)認(rèn)真考慮的�！苯苋鸫鸬�。六個(gè)月后醫(yī)生和杰瑞在街上相遇了，“為什么你再也沒來呢?”醫(yī)生問�！耙淮我话賶K錢嗎?有個(gè)酒吧服務(wù)生收了十塊錢就把我治好了。”“真的?他怎么做到的?”“他讓我把床腿鋸掉�，F(xiàn)在那沒人了!”

英語小笑話7

　　1. Guest:"Bub, do you go to school?"

　　客人：“小家伙，你上學(xué)了嗎？”

　　boy:"What good shall I go to school? I can't read or write?"

　　孩子：“我上學(xué)有什么好處？我不會(huì)讀，也不會(huì)寫�！�

　　2. The librarian went over to a small, noisy boy. "Please be quiet!" she warned. "The people around you can't read!"

　　圖書管理員走到一個(gè)喧鬧的小男孩身邊，警告說：“請(qǐng)安靜！你周圍的人都不能讀書了！”

　　"They can't?" The boy asked curiously. "Then what are they doing here?"

　　“不能讀書？”小男孩好奇地問道�！澳撬麄�?cè)谶@里干什么？”

　　3. betty:"Black hens are cleverer than white ones, aren't they?"

　　貝蒂：“黑母雞比白母雞聰明，對(duì)嗎？”

　　Larry:"How do you know?"

　　拉里：“你怎么知道？”

　　Betty:"Well, the black hens can lay white eggs, but the white hens can't lay black ones."

　　貝蒂：“嗯，因?yàn)楹谀鸽u能下白蛋，可白母雞不能下黑蛋�！�

　　4. Bobby:"Billy broke my new doll!"

　　博比：“比利弄壞了我的新洋娃娃！”

　　Mum:"How did he do that?"

　　媽媽：“他是怎么弄壞的'？”

　　Bobby:"I hit him over the head with it."

　　博比：“我用洋娃娃打了他的頭�！�

　　5. "I wish I'd lived in the old times."

　　“我要是生活在古代就好了。”

　　"Why?"

　　“為什么？”

　　"Because there wouldn't be so much history to learn."

　　“因?yàn)槟蔷筒粫?huì)有這么多歷史要學(xué)了�！�

英語小笑話8

　　miles sometime went to the barber's during working hours to have his hair cut. but this was against the office rules: clerks had to have their hair cut in their own time. while miles was at the barber's one day, the manager of the office came in by chance to have his own hair cut and sat just beside him.

　　麥爾斯有時(shí)在上班時(shí)間去理發(fā)館理發(fā)，但這是違反辦公室規(guī)定的：職員只能利用自己的時(shí)間理發(fā)。一天，正當(dāng)麥爾斯理發(fā)時(shí)，經(jīng)理碰巧也進(jìn)來理發(fā)，而且就坐在他旁邊。

　　"hello, miles," the manager said. "i see that you are having your hair cut in office time."

　　"你好，麥爾斯，"經(jīng)理說。"我看到你在上班時(shí)間理發(fā)了。"

　　"yes, sir, i am," admitted miles calmly. "you see, sir, it grows in office time."

　　"是的，先生。正是這樣。"麥爾斯平靜地承認(rèn)了。"可先生，你看，頭發(fā)是在上班時(shí)間長(zhǎng)的'。"

　　"not all of it," said the manager at once. "some of it grows in your own time."

　　"不全都是吧，"經(jīng)理立刻說，"有一些是在你自己的時(shí)間里長(zhǎng)的。"

　　"yes, sir, that's quite true." answered miles politely, "but i'm not having it all cut off."

　　"對(duì)呀，先生，你說得很對(duì)。"麥爾斯禮貌地回答說，"但我并沒有把頭發(fā)全都剪掉啊。"

英語小笑話9

　　The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled. His father knew it, but his grandma doted on（溺愛，寵愛） him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum（亂發(fā)脾氣） . Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door. "Was school all right?" she asked, "Did you get along all right? Did you cry?""Cry?" John asked. "No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!"

　　六歲的約翰嬌生慣養(yǎng)。他的父親知道這一點(diǎn)，可他的祖父母仍然寵著他。這孩子幾乎寸步不離他的'祖母。他想要什么不是哭，就是鬧。他第一天上學(xué)才離開祖母的懷抱。約翰放學(xué)了，他奶奶在門口接他并問道：“學(xué)校怎么樣？你過的好嗎？哭了沒有？”“哭？”約翰問，“不，我沒哭，可老師哭了。”

英語小笑話10

　　你說什么?

　　Moe, Larry and Curly had been stranded on a desert island. They were walking alongdisconsolately when Moe happened to kick a bottle lying in the sand. The bottle broke and agenie suddenly emerged before them.

　　莫伊、賴?yán)�和卷毛因船觸礁擱淺而被困在一個(gè)無人荒島上，他們寂寞無助地沿岸邊走著，這時(shí)莫伊踢到沙灘上一只瓶子，那只瓶子破了后，突然出現(xiàn)一個(gè)精靈。

　　"Thank you. oh Masters, for releasing me from my captivity. For your kindness, please allow meto grant you each a wish. "

　　“謝謝你們從囚禁我的瓶子中把我放出來，我的主人。為了報(bào)答你們的恩惠，請(qǐng)讓我為每位實(shí)現(xiàn)一個(gè)愿望�！�

　　"Well, it's not too difficult to figure out what I want," said Moe. "I wish I were back home. "

　　“哦，我的'愿望很容易想出來，”莫伊說�！拔蚁Ｍ�我能回到家里。”

　　No sooner had he said the words than he was back in dear old Brooklyn.

　　話一說完，莫伊就已在他可愛的布魯克林老家中。

　　"I want to be back home, too," said I Larry, and he, too, was instantly transported.

　　“我也想回家，”賴?yán)�說，他馬上也就被送走了。

　　" Gee, it's alone some here without Moe and Larry," said Curly. "I wish they were here to keepme company. "

　　“唉，沒有莫伊和賴?yán)�，一個(gè)人在這里真無聊，”卷毛說�！拔蚁Ｍ�他們能回到這里陪伴我�！�

英語小笑話11

　　Hello everyone!My name is ~~.Now,I am 12 years old. I am from ~~.I am a student in NO.1middle school .I like football with my sister after school .I am good at drawing.And i am likelearning English.Ican speak very well!

　　Do you want to make friend with me ?

　　譯文

　　大家好!我的名字是~ ~.現(xiàn)在,我12歲了.我來自~ ~.我就讀于第一中學(xué).我喜歡踢足球和我姐姐在放學(xué)后.我擅長(zhǎng)于畫畫.我喜歡學(xué)習(xí)英語. 我能講英語講得很好!

　　你想和我交朋友吧?

英語小笑話12

　　On a trip to Disney World

　　in Florida, my husband and I and our two children devoted ourselves wholeheartedly to the wonders of this attraction. After three exhausting days, we headed for home.

　　As we drove away, our son waved and said, "Goodbye, Mickey."

　　Our daughter waved and said, "Goodbye, Minnie."

　　My husband waved, rather weakly, and said, "Goodbye, Money."

　　迪斯尼之旅 弗羅里達(dá)州的迪斯尼樂園是一個(gè)迷人的'地方。一次我和丈夫以及兩個(gè)孩子前往旅游，我們?nèi)�身心地沉醉在它的各種奇觀之中。精疲力竭地玩了三天之后，我們要回家了。

　　當(dāng)我們驅(qū)車離開時(shí)，兒子揮手說：“再見，美奇。”

　　女兒揮著手說，“再見，美妮�！�

　　丈夫也有氣無力地?fù)]了揮手，說道：“再見，美元。”

英語小笑話13

　　A man goes to church and starts talking to God.

　　He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", than the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second" .

　　一男子進(jìn)入教堂和上帝對(duì)話。他問："主啊, 一百萬美元對(duì)你意味著多少?"上帝回答："一便士"，男子又問："那一百萬年呢?"上帝說："一秒鐘"，最后男子請(qǐng)求道："上帝,我能得到一便士嗎?"上帝回答："過一秒鐘"。

英語小笑話14

　　When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!"

　　"I wasn't asleep," the man answered.

　　"Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed."

　　"I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car."

　　我沒有睡著

　　當(dāng)一群婦女上車之后，車上的座位全都被占滿了。售票員注意到一名男子好象是睡著了，他擔(dān)心這個(gè)人會(huì)坐過站，就用肘輕輕地碰了碰他，說：“先生，醒醒!”

　　“我沒有睡著�！蹦莻�(gè)男人回答。

　　“沒睡著?可是你眼睛都閉上了呀?”

　　“我知道，我只是不愿意看到在擁擠的車上有女士站在我身邊而已�！�

英語小笑話15

　　A farmer and his son, traveling by horse and buggy up a narrow lane, met a motorist going the other way. There was no room to pass for two miles in either direction. The motorist, in hurry,honked his horn.

　　"If you don't back up," said the farmer, rolling up his sleeves, "I won't like what I'm going to have to do." The surprised driver put his car in reverse and backed up two miles, allowing the horse and buggy to go by.

　　"What was it you wouldn't have liked to have done back there?" asked the farmer's son.

　　"Back up two miles," replied the farmer.

　　一位農(nóng)民和他的兒子坐著馬車來到一條狹窄的小巷， 他們看到一個(gè)司機(jī)正往他們這個(gè)方向開來。兩個(gè)方向2英里以內(nèi)已經(jīng)沒有空間讓他們擦身而過了。司機(jī)焦急地按著喇叭。

　　“假如你不往后退，”農(nóng)民擼著袖子說，“我并不喜歡我將要必須去做的事�！彼緳C(jī)甚是驚訝，掛了倒擋，退后了2英里，讓馬車先過去了。

　　“剛才你說你并不喜歡做的`事是什么啊?”農(nóng)民的兒子問。

　　“退后2英里。”農(nóng)民回答。

【英語小笑話】相關(guān)文章：

英語小笑話04-26

英語小笑話12-03

幽默小笑話06-01

經(jīng)典英語笑話02-17

英語笑話短篇01-13

英語笑話大全02-13

(集合)英語笑話大全04-16

英語小故事07-05

經(jīng)典英語小故事05-23

英語小故事12-12